Meant To Be
by skygirl55
Summary: Castle Soulmate Semi-AU Circa Season 2 finale/Season 3. Two-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Meant to Be**

Castle Soulmate Semi-AU Circa Season 2 finale/Season 3. Two-Shot.

* * *

Tilting her head back, Kate Beckett drained the last drops of liquid from her beer bottle before dropping it back down to the table with a bit more force than was strictly necessary. As she slid the bottle beside another of its own kind, she grumbled and pushed herself away from the table on her way to the refrigerator. Beer certainly would not have been her drink of choice that night as it did not dull the pain nearly as well as whisky did, but unfortunately, she was out of whisky, and was in too much of a state of self-loathing to leave her apartment again. Thus, beer would have to do.

After grabbing another from the refrigerator, Kate reached for the bottle opener on the counter, but missed it. Instead, the sweep of her hand sent the object crashing to the floor where it promptly broke in half. Kate cursed beneath her breath as she abandoned the bottle on the counter and bent down to pick up the opener. She examined the pieces, but the plastic handle had split completely from the metal opener top; there was no salvaging it, so she threw it into the trash and reached into her "junk drawer" in search of another.

Kate looked for a minute, but to no avail; her spare opener could not be found. She grumbled to herself and attempted to twist the cap off with her fingers but was unable to unseal it. She continued to rummage through her kitchen drawers in hopes of finding something to open the bottle when she remembered her other spare opener. It was a gift one of her friends gave her during college and she was pretty sure it still remained at the bottom of the cardboard box she had with mementos from her younger years.

After strolling purposefully into her bedroom, Kate whipped open her closet doors, dropped to her knees and began reaching into the depths of the back of her closet to procure the box she knew she had. She had to remove several shoe boxes first, but finally she was able to pull out the medium-sized brown box. She brushed some dust off the top, and then open the flaps to reveal items she once treasured.

Knowing a small item like the bottle opener most likely slipped to the bottom of the box, she unloaded letters, postcards, and scribbled notes along with scarves, concert t-shirts, and things she hadn't thought about in over a decade. With most of the larger items removed, she dug around and finally proclaimed, "Ah-ha!" when her fingers curled around the bottle opener with a handle colored like the Mexican flag. She placed the opener to the side and began to re-fill the box, when a wayward letter slid into her lap and her skin began to prickle when she saw the logo on the upper left-hand side of the envelope. NMB—the National Matching Bureau.

While her memory of many of the box's items had grown fuzzy as the years went on, Kate vividly remembered the day she received her letter from the National Matching Bureau, two days after her eighteenth birthday. Unlike many of her friends who were quite excited to receive what was colloquially known as their "soulmate letter," Kate felt nothing but disgust. At the time she'd been waist-deep in her teenage rebel phase and all the screw-the-world attitude that went along with it. Simply put: she didn't give a shit who the government thought her best genetic match for procreation would be and swore she never would.

By the end of the twenty-first century, a few decades before Kate's birth, the world was already running very low on its finite resources. To combat this, an international committee was formed, which, among other things, instituted a global two-child-per-couple policy in an attempt to control the exploding population. As stringent as could have seemed, it really wasn't. By that point, over half of couples in developing countries required some fertility aid to have children, so most weren't having more than two; however, the policy also opened the door to more research on procreation between two people with well-matching genetic profiles—or soulmates as they later became known.

Over the next decade the scientific community pooled their resources and began profiling newborns and other young children to see what DNA profiles would mix together to create the most evolutionarily preferred children. Their research became highly successful, and by the time those in Kate's generation were coming of age, every woman would receive her match in the mail on her eighteenth birthday. The men, on the other hand, were stuck patiently waiting for their matched-woman to seek them out.

The vast majority of women eagerly opened their letters immediately upon receiving them, though not all acted on the new knowledge, particularly if they had already chosen colleges or had career paths in mind. Others found the knowledge infuriating or downright offensive, and immediately tossed the letters away. Or, in Kate's case, shoved them in a bottom desk drawer never to be thought of again.

After her mother's murder, Kate had even less interest in finding love and getting married and thus for many years she simply ignored the existence of the letter. The older she became, the more her friends and colleagues were deciding to settle down and seek out their soulmates. Thus, the letters were brought up in conversation on occasion, but by that point Kate had practically forgotten she even had a letter of her own. She certainly hadn't known where it was even if she wanted to find it—particularly after her father had sold the furniture from her childhood bedroom. What did it matter? Acting on the information in the letter had never been a requirement—more a guide or suggestion. As she never saw herself getting to that point with any man, she figured it mattered even less for her.

Then, Richard Castle had shoved his way into her life, turned everything upside-down and made her feel things she hadn't in years. She wasn't in love with him—such a notion was absurd seeing as she'd outright refuse to accept love even as a concept in the wake of her mother's death and her father's alcoholism. Still, he stirred things inside her—things she had thought long-since died-out like playfulness and joy.

Kate fought such feelings as though they were trying to take her hostage at knife-point, though ever so slowly, as the months wore on, she felt herself giving in and putting up less and less of a fight. She laughed with him; she had fun. She appreciated him and his contributions. They became friends; they grew closer.

Particularly in the prior few months Kate felt as though something had been brewing between them just below the surface. It wasn't something yet, but _almost_. The potential was there, and she foolishly was nearly ready to give in to the temptation, give in to the desires burning deep within her, open herself up and take a chance…right up until the point at which he'd shown up at her precinct with his ex-girlfriend-slash-publisher (apparently turned girlfriend again) and they'd walked off arm-in-arm towards what would surely be a romantic extended stay at the writer's Hamptons' estate.

Stupid. She had been so stupid. Yes, Castle had extended an invitation to her, but probably only as a courtesy—only because he figured she'd never take him up on the offer. Why would he want to take her when he had his blonde, perky publisher to dote on him as opposed to the surely-at-times woman who snipped at him and joked about shooting him in the leg? He would have been a fool to choose her, so she was glad he left with Gina.

…at least, that's what she told herself somewhere around the end of beer number one. Maybe by the time she got through beer number four she'd believe it.

More annoyed at the concept of soulmates than ever, Kate grabbed both the bottle opener and the letter and stalked back to the kitchen. She popped the top off her beer, took a long drink, and then turned towards the villainous envelope.

With her heart recently scraped raw by the man with whom she'd hoped to formulate a real relationship, Kate felt more offended by the concept of the government telling her who to love than ever. To hell with whatever man was being recommended to her! She didn't need suggestions or ideas from those she'd never met. If she did fall in love—which was certainly a big "if" at that point in her life—it would be organically; no other way was possible.

Kate had every intent to shred the letter in her hands into as many small pieces as she could manage, but with her slightly inebriated state mixing with rage, she only succeeded in ripping the top corner off the envelope, which tore only the smallest piece of the letter itself. Now even more annoyed, Kate rotated the object ninety degrees and tried to tear it longways, but again failed, that time ripping the envelope in half and causing the letter to flutter to the ground. Growling audibly, she stooped down to pick up the letter, but froze at the words staring back at her in boldface print.

 _Richard Edgar Castle_.

Her chest heaving with progressively more dramatic intervals, Kate clawed at the letter to pull apart its tri-fold. She read it once. Then again. Then a third time, but the message never changed despite her disbelief. The man who was her best match in the universe was the same one who had rejected her not four hours earlier.

Swaying slightly on the spot, Kate placed the letter on the counter and then backed away until she felt the coolness of the refrigerator against her spine. How—dear god _how_ —could this be happening? It couldn't be happening could it? Could it?

Her brain wanted to believe that the letter was a trick or a joke—that _somehow_ the prankster writer was responsible, but rationally she knew that wasn't the case. The letter had been sealed for over thirteen years. The pages were slightly yellowed, and the ink faded. Even if Castle had managed to fake those things, he would have had to sneak the letter into her memento box without her knowledge, which would have impossible seeing as he didn't know the memento box existed. Rationally, she had to conclude that the letter was the same one she'd received in the mail just after her eighteenth birthday, which meant she'd been matched with Richard Castle long before they'd ever met.

Shock taking over her, Kate slid down the refrigerator until her butt connected with the ground. Half-dazed, she stared up at the counter where the letter sat and covered her mouth with her hands, trying her best to bite back the tears forming in her eyes.

So that was it; that was the hand fate had dealt her. Even if she decided she did want to pursue a relationship with him, it was clear he had chosen someone else over her. The possibility that the man she was matched with would not want her had never crossed into Kate's mind. In fact, as she thought about it, she realized she had never heard anyone else say that things between them and their match had not worked out, but of course the world would send her more heartbreak that way. Perhaps that was the one message from fate that she should listen to: that in the end, she was better off alone.

* * *

"I just want to let you know before you go in there: this one is a rough one."

Kate came to a halt just outside of what appeared to be an ordinary New York alleyway. She gazed down at her friend and medical examiner Lanie Parrish as she stood just in front of a dumpster near the alley's entrance. Kate glanced to her right to see a uniformed officer blocking the alley entrance and two of Lanie's colleagues readying a body bag about a hundred feet away. Then, she turned back to her friend with notable concern. Lanie had been on the job even longer than she had and therefore must have seen hundreds of dead bodies. As such, her tolerance level for grotesque and disturbing scenes was quite high, so if Lanie was warning them, this murder must truly have been vicious.

"Dispatch said it's a female DB?"

Lanie nodded. "A pregnant female, yes."

Kate glanced back over her shoulder to her partner, who stood dutifully a few feet away. "You can sit this one out if you want to, Castle."

He blinked, slow and easy. "You know I'm not going to."

She nodded, knowing that he was just as intrigued by the extra weird murder cases as she was. Still, she wanted to give him the chance to step away, because she knew there were definitely times, rare as they were, that she wished she could as well.

"We were told that the building's janitorial staff called in the body when—oh. God." Kate groaned aloud when she saw the woman propped up against the rear side of the dumpster; Lanie's assessment that this case was a "rough one" had been a serious underestimate.

While the woman's face appeared peaceful, almost as though she was sleeping, everything below her chin was a different story starting with the slash across the center of her throat. Despite the blood coating her clothing, district stab wounds could be seen all across her legs and torso. In fact, there appeared to be too many for Kate to count with just a visual sweep. The number certainly had to be well into the double digits.

Crouching down, Kate took a closer look at the woman's hands, which seemed mostly undamaged. This told Kate that the woman's throat was most likely cut first, which resulted in her death, and the multitude of stabbings took place post-mortem. Kate also noticed that a significant number of those stabs were across the woman's very round belly, which added a more distressing element to the crime.

"Jesus."

Kate heard her partner's curse and stood up once more. Knowing she didn't want to prolong the removal of the body any more than necessary, she turned to Lanie to get more of the facts. "No ID on the body?"

"Not that we found."

"And COD would most likely be exsanguination?"

"Most likely, yes, but we'll know more when we get back to the lab."

"And what about the, um, pregnancy. Will you be able to tell how far along she is? Might help with the ID."

Lanie nodded. "We can certainly try. I would think third trimester judging by the size alone. Possibly even late term but…" She lowered her head and gave it a little shake. "We'll have to see."

Kate nodded. "Anything else noteworthy I should look at?"

"Yes, here." Lanie crouched down and picked up the victim's left hand. "The ring finger is clearly broken. Postmortem if I had to guess."

"Could have been a robbery," Kate supposed. "Took the diamonds and gold to sell them."

"With stab wounds like that? No. She knew her killer," Castle said.

Kate gazed up at the writer who was looking rather pale and standing much further from the body than he normally would have.

"This poor woman knew her killer," he continued. "It may have been an angry husband or a jealous lover, but she knew the killer. No robber would have done…done… ah, excuse me."

Kate could hear the nausea in his tone just before he spun around and scurried out of the alley. A shiver traveled up her spine at the sight of him so rattled for it was a rare sight indeed. Turning back to Lanie, Kate said, "He's right; this was personal." She didn't even need to speak to the killer to know his or her intent; that was clear just by their vicious actions.

"Yeah," Lanie agreed in a somber tone. "I'll let you know when I have more, okay?"

Kate thanked her and then walked out of the alley to find Castle standing beside her cruiser, his hands braced against the hood, his head tilted towards the ground. She felt her heart clench and walked over to him before saying softly, "Why don't I just take you home?"

He stood quickly and turned towards her with a determined expression. "No, I…I want to find who did this. I want to her—them—to have justice."

She nodded, as it was all she needed to hear from him. "Okay, then let's go see if there are any cameras in this area."

* * *

Several hours later, Kate walked out of the morgue with a cold bottle of water in her hand. She looked left and right searching the sidewalk for her partner for several moments before she spotted him hunched over by a trash can. She wasn't sure if he had become ill or not, but she knew the water would help regardless. She walked over and held it out to him without a word. He took it with a nearly silent, "Thank you." She waited patiently as he sipped the cool liquid.

In another circumstance, Kate could see herself teasing her partner for losing his lunch over a case, particularly since he prided himself on being immune to such feelings, but in that moment it was unnecessary. She too had been caught off-guard by the sight of the woman and her unborn child on separate morgue tables. It wasn't just the sight of the fetus outside the woman's body that disturbed her, but how much it looked like a baby. In fact, it looked exactly like a newborn baby, only quite small, which was confirmed when Lanie estimated the fetus's gestation at between thirty-four and thirty-six weeks.

As children were rarely murder victims (thank god) Kate had never seen the body of a child under the age of four. Even more upsetting were the cuts and marks on this child's body from the stab wounds inflicted to his mother. It was truly a horrific situation, so she was not at all surprised when Castle had almost immediately excused himself and rushed out of the room. Lanie even admitted to being upset, but it was all a necessary part of her job, particularly since they had yet to ID the mother.

Once he'd finished off about half the water bottle, Castle rasped out, "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have reacted like that."

Kate blinked with slight disbelief. "Castle, you don't have to apologize for being who you are. You're someone who cares about other humans and that's what makes you a good man."

His lips formed a slight smile, but then his expression dropped and he shook his head. "That baby… It could have survived if the mother had…even if she hadn't, but someone found her in time to get her to a hospital and…"

"I know." She, too, had made such a conclusion when Lanie revealed how close to full-term the baby was, but she didn't let herself think about such things, as it would do little good.

"I…" Castle shook his head and wiped his left hand over his mouth. "I just… I don't know why it hit me so hard."

"You're a good person who cares about others," she pointed out.

He gazed over at her with a softened expression. "That's kind of you to say, but that's not quite it. I…I guess it's just leftover from my midlife crisis."

Kate's brow raised sharply as she had heard of no such event. "Midlife crisis? Did you buy another Ferrari?"

He let out a breathy laugh. "No, no I…I want to be a father—have a child—and I really thought that would have happened for me by now."

"O-oh," she stammered out, slightly surprised, though it did make sense in the context of their case.

"Yeah, um, my midlife crisis, I guess you could call it, was looking into adoption. I'm a single man, which complicates things. Plus the wait-list is so long. A private adoption is an option—I could afford it, of course—and I explored it a little bit, but…" He dropped his chin to his chest and then rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. After a moment, he looked back towards her. "The thing of it is: I want a family. I want to be a father, yes, but I want a family—the family I never got to have. It's not…it's not that I'm trying to make up for my childhood. Even though it was just Mother and I, I never thought I was missing out, not entirely. Sure, there were times when I wanted a father and siblings, but I wasn't unhappy, exactly I just felt…incomplete. Like there was something missing and—god." He cut himself off sharply, his cheeks turning a little pink. "Sorry, Beckett, I shouldn't be spewing all this to you."

"Wha—no!" she said quickly to quell his embarrassment. "We're partners, Castle; don't apologize for sharing how you feel. It's…what you're saying is very sweet."

Kate believed she managed speaking her words in a convincing and kind tone despite the panic exploding inside her chest. Castle wanted children; he wanted a family. He wanted a _family_ presumably with his soulmate. She was his soulmate. And that…well, it exponentially complicated things.

Obviously convinced by her words, he smiled at her. "Thanks. I just…I know you're not interested in having a family so-"

"What?!" she cut him off sharply, shocked by his opinion of her. "Is…is that what you really think?"

He tilted his head and his brow wrinkled. "You…you are interested?"

"Well, I, um…" She stammered for several moments trying to collect her thoughts on the matter. "I've always been so focused on my career that a family was never forefront in my mind. I, well…I guess I never specifically thought about it."

He quirked his lips. "Well, yeah—especially not after you threw away your soulmate letter."

"I…right…" Her voice drifted off as she cursed inside her mind. Shit! Of course, he would remember that detail way back from the early days of their partnership. That day she had already been quite annoyed with him when one of her coworkers came in and excitedly told everyone that his soulmate had finally contacted him. This, of course, sparked a discussion about the letters, which Kate shut down by saying she'd thrown hers out because she thought they were ridiculous. At the time, she had not specifically remembered throwing the letter away, but had no idea of its whereabouts (and didn't care to know, either) so the letter may as well have been trash.

In reality, the letter was not lost forever; it resided in the drawer of her nightstand where it had been for nearly eight months, ever since she'd discovered it in her box of memories. She'd almost thrown it out that day, but then thought better of it and chucked it in the drawer instead. For the next two months, she hadn't thought about it at all, but then the writer had charmed his way back into the precinct and, with each morning coffee he brought her, the image of his name on the yellowed letter popped into her mind's eye without her permission. He was still with Gina then, so the image made her angry, but as the months passed and he and Gina separated again, he began to wear her down little by little. For the prior few months things had been good between them. Very good, actually—just like they had been before his Hampton's invite sent them into a tailspin.

"Anyway, um, sorry again about what happened in there. I…I think I'm just going to take a walk. Maybe I'll walk home."

"A-are you sure? It's getting late."

He shook his head. "I'll be fine, Beckett. Have a good evening—text me if the ID comes through, okay?"

"Ah, yeah…" She still felt rather stunned as she watched him turn and walk away. She stood on the sidewalk until she could no longer see his figure loping away. Only then did she get in her cruise, sit down, and think.

Castle was having a self-proclaimed "midlife crisis" because he wanted a child, a family. He wanted a family and everything he didn't have as a child, so he could feel complete. As his soulmate, she could provide him with that family. In fact, in many people's opinions, she was the _only_ one who could do so to enable his full happiness, which meant that technically—

No. _No_. Though guilt nipped at the edges of her fingers and toes, Kate refused to let it in. She could not control Castle's feelings, only her own. Besides, it wasn't as though she'd hidden the truth for him for years and years. She hadn't known until eight months prior! And, okay, eight months was eight months—she should have told him. She would tell him. She needed to tell him, but, god—how could she tell him now? What if he expected them to marry and have kids right away?

She had been truthful when she told him that she never thought about having a family before. She never had because she had closed herself off to love. She didn't dislike children and was not dead-set against them by any means, but she was also not yet ready to think about herself as a mother.

After thinking on it for several hours, Kate decided that she did need to tell Castle the truth, but in the right way. She would tell him that while she was interested in exploring a romantic future with him, she wanted to take things slow. No—she _needed_ to take things slow. That was the only way her heart and her brain would be able to survive.

* * *

 **Part two will be up Tuesday. Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Shall we toast?"

Kate gazed up from her phone where she was scrolling through some work emails to see Castle approaching holding a glass of wine in each hand. She placed her phone back into the pocket of her purse and reached out for one of the glasses. "What are we toasting too?"

"Another job well done. When is this city going to give you a medal already?"

Fighting an eye-roll, she tapped her glass against his. "Funny, Castle."

They both drank from their glasses and as he lowered his, he hummed pleasantly and gave her a smile. "Thanks for coming over to dinner tonight."

"Thanks for inviting me."

"It's an open invitation, Beckett. Any time you want to have dinner—I'm game." He winked and then headed back into the kitchen to check on their pork chops.

Kate followed and leaned against the opposite side of the island counter. "Yeah? You going to use my dinner preferences for a plot point in Nikki Heat's next story?"

"No," he responded, his gaze quite serious. "This I just for us."

Kate felt a blush begin to creep into her cheeks from the way he gazed at her and she quickly brought her wine glass to her lips as a distraction. While his initial dinner invite had been quite casual and off-the-cuff, once she accepted, he'd grown progressively more enthusiastic and had insisted upon going out right away and buying ingredients for that night's meal leading her to think that he thought of it almost like a date. Well, no, not a date, but a pre-date date. A date test-run, possibly.

The prior three days, after the gruesome discovery of a pregnant woman's body in an alley, had been some of Kate's roughest on the job simply because of the nature of the case. Though it took nearly thirty-six hours after discovery to ID their victim, after that the case came together rather quickly. After their first discussion with him, Castle had pegged the woman's husband as the killer and Kate couldn't say she disagreed as he was not acting nearly distraught enough to learn of the death of his wife and child. After speaking with the woman's coworkers, they found the man she was having an affair with, who acted just like the would have expected the husband to. As it turned out, the woman was pregnant with her lover's child, and when she told her husband, he killed her. When he was confronted again, the husband confessed with the lovely sentiments that he would do it again if he had the chance; Kate had made sure that his cuffs were put on extra tight.

Back at the twelfth, Castle sat with her while she gathered up her initial paperwork and put away the documents on the murder board. Though their case ended with a confession and thus by its nature should have been put in the "win" column, with a young woman and her baby dead, Kate knew there was no winning. Evidently feeling similarly, Castle had casually said, "You wouldn't want to have dinner tonight, would you? Or maybe even just grab a drink and decompress." To which she had responded, "Actually, dinner sounds nice," and their plans were set.

Kate continued to sip her wine and watch as Castle removed the pork chops from the oven, plated them, and then drizzled on some of the sauce he made. He then turned to the pan in which he'd sautéed the accompanying vegetables and plated those with a dramatic flare. When he shot her a grin, she laughed and said, "You know, I'm pretty jealous of your cooking skills—and dedication."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just…I wish I had the energy for it. I do, now and then, but never with much consistency."

He hummed as he dropped the used pan into the sink. "Well, what else do I expend my energy on, really?"

She chuckled when thinking of his ultra-cushy lifestyle. "Good point."

As she helped him carry their plates and glasses to the table, he continued with, "I like it, though. It's… good for me—for my brain to just let go. I come up with some of my best scenes while cooking."

"Come up with any during this meal?"

"No. I…actually I was thinking about the case." He sighed and leaned his hands against the back of the chair. "I was thinking about how I hope his first week in prison wipes the smug expression off that bastard Mark's face."

"Yeah," Kate agreed as there was nothing worse in her mind than a killer who showed no remorse. Not wanting to drag down what she hoped would be a nice evening, she said, "Let's…let's talk about something else, though."

"Okay. What?"

She sat down across from him and picked up her fork, tapping it pensively against her bottom lip. "I don't know um…cooking blunders? Failed recipes?"

He laughed inwardly. "How long ya got?"

She smiled at him. "All night."

He smiled back and then brushed his left index finger over the bottom of his jaw. "Well, I guess I should start with the time I burned my eyebrows off… a word to the wise—flambé is not for the novice chef…."

* * *

An hour and a half later, her belly still aching from laughter, Kate helped Castle clean up the last of the remaining crumbs from the table. With their delicious meal finished, Castle insisted he was in the mood for something sweet and pulled a pint of ice cream out of the freezer, but then he evidently decided that was not quite enough, because he'd also procured a package of Oreos. While trying to open the new pack, he'd inadvertently torn it almost clean in half, resulting in cookies and crumbs exploding everywhere. Then they laughed their way through eating and cleaning up; it had certainly been some of the most fun Kate had in a long time.

She dumped the crumbs into the trash then grabbed her now-empty wine glass and walked it over to where Castle stood at the sink, finishing up all their dishes. She placed the goblet down into the soapy water and then leaned against the counter, smiling at him and appreciating their domesticity. It had been unexpectedly nice to strip away their Detective and Quasi-Famous Writer personas for the evening and just be Kate and Rick.

Evidently feeling the same, Castle turned to her and said, "I'm glad you came over tonight."

"Me too."

A moment later, he slopped some water out onto the counter and quickly reached for a paper towel to mop up. In doing so, he reached around Kate and brought their faces so close they were nearly touching. He was focused on his task, so he didn't seem to notice this, but when he reached out for another towel, he almost looked startled at how close together they were.

Kate gazed up into his kind blue eyes, taking in the crinkles of laugh-lines at the corners and thinking of how many times he'd looked at her with reverence. She felt a jolt in her belly just daring her to act and knew if she didn't then, she might regret it, even if she knew it would take the evening on a path neither had expected when it began. She did not give herself another second to contemplate, instead, she reached up both hands to cup his cheeks and pressed her lips against his.

Castle breathed in a sharp breath and placed his left hand at her hip, not so much to draw her in but to steady them against the counter. After a moment, Kate drew back and gazed up at him tentatively. Though he appeared surprised, he held her gaze, so she brushed her thumb against his lower lip. He leaned his face in a bit closer and that was the only indication she needed to throw her arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss.

He kissed her back with equal hunger, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and groaning audibly when she fingered the hair at his nape. Suddenly, after a minute of kissing, he pulled back and stammered out, "Whoa, um…is—is this happening?"

A shy smile crossed her face and she moved her hands, so they rested atop his shoulders. She was certain if he hadn't inadvertently been so close to her she would not have kissed him that night, but now that she had kissed him, Kate didn't want to stop. Kissing him warmed her heart and rejuvenated her soul more than she thought possible. Kissing him felt _right_ and so, she imagined, would other things.

"Do you want this to happen?" she responded softly. He held her gaze for fifteen seconds before nodding as an ever-widening smile crossed his face. Her smile reflected his and she concluded, "Then, it's happening," before kissing him again.

He groaned into her mouth and used his hands on her hips to hoist her up onto the kitchen counter. She immediately locked her legs around his and pressed her heels into the back of his knees to pull him in even closer. When she felt his hands skim up the flesh beneath her shirt, her whole body flushed with anticipation. God, they were going to be amazing.

She unbuttoned the top three buttons on his shirt, so she could skim her hands inside and feel the delicate hairs on his chest. When she did this, she heard him groan out, "Mmm Kate…Kate…"

Chuckling slightly, she nipped at his bottom lip and then pulled back and quirked her eyebrow at him. "Yes?"

He gave his head a little shake before dropping his chin, so their foreheads could rest together. He moved his right hand to grasp her left and linked their fingers together, holding their joined hands against his sternum. "I just…you're so…I…"

"Castle," she interrupted seeing as he had clearly lost the ability to navigate the English language. She kissed her way over to his ear and whispered, "Take me to bed."

He smiled, scooped her up under her legs so that he could carry her, and did exactly that.

* * *

Sitting at her desk at the twelfth precinct, Kate found herself struggling to focus on the email inbox in front of her. She would start to read one of them, but then distantly hear the ding of the elevator and quickly look back over her shoulder to see if her partner had arrived. When he hadn't, she'd huff out a breath and then turn back to her inbox only to repeat the process a few minutes later. A former version of herself might have classified her behavior as pathetic but given how deliciously happy she had felt earlier that day when she woke up with his arm around her waist, Kate could not bring herself to feel bad about her excitement; she was just too happy.

Making love to Castle the prior night had been incredible—far better than she could have ever hoped for. Their coupling was fun and playful, but also had its tender moments that made her heart swell with joy. She had never connected with a man on an emotional level as much as she had with her partner, so it stood to reason that being with him would be a brand new experience—and it was and she could not have been happier about that…

…at least, until she awoke around four a.m. and reality came crashing down on her.

When Kate awoke to see her partner sleeping peacefully beside her, her first instinct had been to let out a light laugh at how ridiculously happy she felt. She then begrudgingly admitted to herself that the government had been right to match the two of them together; they were clearly a good match. Unfortunately, that thought was what began to spiral her morning.

She had not told Castle the truth about their soulmate status before becoming intimate with him, which had never been her intention. She'd merely been swept up by her feelings the night before and had forgotten to think about the bigger picture but, when it came right down to it, she had lied to him. Not directly and certainly not with malicious intent, but it was still a lie and, were their positions reversed, she knew she would be very upset when the truth was finally revealed. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, but she feared that she would. As such, she needed time to gather her thoughts so she could present the situation to him as best she could.

When she moved to get out of bed that morning, Castle stirred and tried to hold her closer so she had to whisper, "Early shift; I need to go home and change."

"Mmm don' go," he'd mumbled, but she'd began to peel away his hands anyway, knowing she need to. Once standing beside the bed, she leaned down and kissed his cheek and he responded with, "'ll be in lat'r," and thus she'd been anticipating his arrival almost ever since she sat down at his desk, even though realistically she knew she wouldn't see him before nine.

Even with the uncertainty looming, Kate could not help but smile every time she thought about her partner's arms around her, which was approximately every other minute. She was soon Ryan and Esposito would soon grow wise to the situation, but she also couldn't bring herself to care. She was ready to start this new phase of her life; she was ready to be all-in.

"Good morning."

Kate almost jumped when her partner magically appeared beside her, coffee cups in hand. He placed hers down in front of her then sat in his seat with a dopey grin.

"Hi—hey. Where did you come from?"

"Stairway; something was going on with the elevator in the lobby."

She nodded. "Well, um, good morning."

"Good morning to you. You know," he continued, dropping his voice as he leaned in closer to her, "I almost didn't stop for coffee this morning. Somehow, I don't feel tired at all."

She skimmed her teeth across her bottom lip. "Is that so?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Yep. Slept like a baby."

"Really? Even when I woke you up?"

His brow wrinkled. "When was that?"

She let out a light laugh at his confusion. "Around four. We had a conversation."

"Did we?"

"Yes…"

He gave a little shrug. "Sorry, must have been sleep talking. What'd I say? Nothing too terrible, I hope."

She shook her head. "Just that you'd see me later."

His face relaxed. "And now look, here I am…but, um, while we're on the subject of last night—was that, ah, a one-time, this case was awful type thing or—or were you thinking maybe it would develop into something _more_."

Knowing that they could not move forward at all until she was honest with him, Kate said, "I think that's something we should discuss in private."

The smile immediately dropped from his face. "Oh. Um. Okay, but, uh, can you at least give me a hint?"

Unable to resist how adorable his uncertainty was, she said, "The second one—but we really need to-"

"Right, right—dinner? Tonight? I promise to make dessert this time."

She let out a breathy laugh. "There's no need for that, but I will be over as soon as my shift is done and we can talk."

"Great! I—whoops." He had been moving forward as if he was going to stand, but then quickly leaned back in his seat and said quietly, "I was almost going to kiss you."

Her nose wrinkled. "Best not to do that in here."

"Right, right. I'll see you later, Beckett!"

"Yeah, later…" She sighed as he went, silently hoping his enthusiasm would remain after she told him the truth.

* * *

"Hey, c'mon in." Castle greeted Kate with a quick kiss to her cheek as she stepped into the apartment. He shut the door behind her and then said, "It's so early I thought making dinner together might be fun, so I got the makings of a stir fry. Hope that's okay."

She nodded, her heart fluttering in anticipation of the potentially disastrous conversation they were about to have. "Yeah, it's fine. I…I just think we should talk first."

His brow wrinkled and concern skittered across his face. "What's wrong?"

Not wanting to answer outright, she grabbed a hold of his hand and led him towards the couch where she sat and gestured for him to do the same. "I just need to say a few things, okay? I think you already know them, but I want to be completely honest and up front, because…the truth is that in general in my life I don't open up to people easily. Some days I wish I could, but it's just not who I am—not after my mother died.

"For years I told himself it was best to stay closed off, to remain at an arm's length from everyone, because that way no one could hurt me, and I didn't want to be hurt because the pain I felt when she died…" Kate clasped her hands to her chest and shook her head. "I didn't think I could survive it again, so I hid away, buried myself in my work, and told myself that it was for the best—that that's how I wanted it to be, but it… The reality is: I wasn't happy. I was content and satisfied with my professional life and career, but I wasn't happy—not until I met you and my whole life got very confusing," she concluded with a slight laugh.

In response, Castle smiled, reached out his hand, and gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "Do you know how much you've changed since we met, Kate?"

"Yes. Definitely. I didn't see it happening first because it came on slowly, but yes, I know how different I am—how different I feel. Everything is lighter and, well happy. I'm happy now—at least, solidly on my way there, but I'm afraid the road might be a little bumpy, because I…" She sucked in a deep breath and pushed it out slowly through her lips. Looking him square in the eye, she said, "I have to apologize to you, Rick."

The easy smile never left his face. "As someone wise recently told me: you shouldn't apologize for who you are."

She smiled back, but only for a millisecond. "No, actually, this…this I have to apologize for." With that, She raised her hips from the couch enough so that she could pull the folded letter from the back pocket of her jeans. She unfolded the half-fold she'd done in order for the letter to fit in her pocket, and then handed him the still tri-folded sheet, which he took with a deeply furrowed brow.

"What's this?" he said, though she didn't respond, she only waited for him to unfold the letter. His eyes skimmed the page and she watched his jaw clench. Her stomach twisted and she wrung her hands together, waiting for him to yell or shout, but he didn't. He was silent for over thirty seconds before lifting his gaze and asking again, "What is this?"

She shook her head, certain he knew what it was so no further explanation was needed. Instead, she merely apologized once more. "I'm so sorry Castle."

He gazed down at the paper and then back at her, recoiling slightly with obvious displeasure. "You…you said you threw it away."

"I thought I did. I didn't know where the letter was for years."

"But you knew." He concluded, his voice clearly indicating disgust.

"No, no," she jumped in quickly. "I didn't—I swear I didn't know. I didn't open that until about eight months ago."

His eyes widened. "Eight months?"

She nodded solemnly. "Memorial Day weekend. You took Gina to the Hamptons. I went home, drank, wallowed, and opened that. Well, technically I tried to tear it up into pieces, but I ended up opening it. When I saw your name, I was...upset. It felt like you had chosen Gina over me so in my hand I held the name of the mate that wasn't interested."

"I asked you first!" The words exploded from his mouth so violently that she flinched. "I wanted to take you! But you-"

"I got scared," she interjected, her tone a bit pitiful. "I…I know you asked me first, but then when you showed up with Gina so quickly I thought…I thought maybe you hadn't meant it or maybe you…" Her voice drifted off and she shook her head. "I let my fears and anxieties take over. I thought…I thought you weren't really interested in me and you wouldn't be—not even after I showed you this. I know that wasn't fair and keeping it from you was wrong. It's not an excuse, but… well, that's why I'm terrible at this sort of stuff, but I'm trying to be better."

For a minute, he was silent, alternating his gaze between her and the letter. Then, clearly frustrated, he raked his right hand back through his hair and stood so he could pace the area right in front of the couch. Ultimately, he dropped the letter down onto the couch in front of her and gestured sharply towards her. "Eight months, Kate. You knew. You _knew_ ," he repeated, his tone borderline repulsed.

She shut her eyes and a tear slipped out of each. "I know," she rasped, just barely above a whisper; she had never hated herself more than she did in that moment, listening to the man she cared for sound so betrayed. "I have no defense other than I was scared. After my mother died I never even thought about my letter—not even when my friends were meeting up with their mates. I didn't want someone telling me how to feel. Or, worse, someone being told how to feel about me. I couldn't trust that. If I fell for someone and he fell for me at least...at least that would be real. At least it would have a chance."

"I did fall for you."

She stood so she could look him in the eye more easily. "I know, and I fell for you, too. One of the reasons I was afraid to go to the Hamptons that weekend is because I knew we'd sleep together and then I couldn't ignore how I felt anymore. I couldn't ignore that you, that being around you made me feel like the person I was meant to be, and that…that was the scariest thing I'd ever felt."

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't a guarantee that you wouldn't break my heart," she confessed, her voice cracking on the last word.

His expression softened along with his tone. "Those guarantees don't exist."

"I know that."

Castle scrubbed both hands across his face and then planted them both at his hips as he gazed down at her. "So...so what about the last eight months?"

"You were with Gina when you came back, and I wasn't going to break you up."

He huffed out a breath. "I…okay then what about the last four months?"

"I was trying to...to I don't know. To understand it. To be okay with it. To be ready for it. To make sure we were back in that same place we were before we drifted apart. But then, this last case, I realized that at least, in part, it was me—I was preventing you from having the family you wanted by not being honest."

His eyes narrowed in her direction. "But you still wanted to try it out first before committing? Like last night."

His words felt like an electric shock to the heart. "That's not fair!"

"Not fair! Not fair?" He blasted at her, disapproval evident in his eyes. "What's not fair is being my partner, my friend and lying to me for eight months. Jesus, Kate!" He threw up his hands and began to pace the small area once more. When he stopped, he gave his head a bitter shake and dropped his arms to his sides. "Do you know what it's like? Watching most of the guys around you have a woman with a letter turn up on their doorstep one day, but never experiencing the same? I've been left wondering who she could be for years—or if she's even out there. For all I knew, she could be married to someone else—she could be dead. I…I even thought that maybe I never matched with anyone, but I could never get that answer; I'd never know. For forty years, all I could do was wonder, but…you've been right here the whole time."

She shook her head, the self-loathing returning as she heard the argument from his perspective. He was right; she had no idea. She'd never once thought of what it must be like from a man's perspective and hearing his words she could understand the strain and heartache. "All I can say is that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Last night just sort of happened in the moment and this morning I immediately regretted not being honest with you about this first. I made the wrong choice. I should have been open with you, but I'm being honest now. You have every right to be very upset with me, but I would like you to forgive me even if I don't deserve it."

He tilted his head to the side and the wrinkles returned to the center of his brow. "Why would you think you didn't deserve it?"

She shrugged, feeling a little like a middle schooler who had been called to the principal's office. "I kept something from you that's very important."

"It was important, but…" He sighed and gave a little shrug. "Well it's not like we talked about it a lot. Or even at all. Other than when I first asked you two years ago, I think this case is the first time we discussed it since. Still, you should have told me before we slept together."

"I know."

"Is there anything else? If you don't want to have kids, please…"

"No, no I... I don't _not_ want them. I honestly never thought about it. I'm going to need time."

He nodded. "Okay."

They stared at each other for thirty seconds before she offered, "Do you want me to go?"

"No."

"Okay."

She stood awkwardly in front of him for a few moments before she sat back down on the couch, wanting to give him space and quiet to think, as she would have appreciated the same. He stood rather motionless for almost two full minutes before he sat down beside her, picked up one of her hands and pulled it into his lap. Cradling it with both of his, he said, "I accept your apology and forgive you."

"You…do?" she replied with notable surprise.

He nodded. "Yes, because you asked me to and that's what you do when you—when you care about someone. I do ask that you be honest with me from here on out."

"Of course," she said, never intending to lie to him again, for she had nearly damaged their relationship practically before it even began, and she promised herself she would not make that mistake again.

"And I will be with you."

"Agreed."

"Good," he said before leaning in and giving her a sound kiss.

She hummed as they separated. "Mmm I like that—us."

"I _love_ us," he emphasized. "You know I thought about it a few times actually."

"Us being together?"

"No—I thought about that all the time. I thought about us being soulmates a few times."

Her heart fluttered at his sweet words. "Did you really?"

"Yes. I figured since you threw away your letter there was always the possibility. But now that I know that we are it feels like...magic."

"Magic?" she laughed.

"Yes. Magical, special...meant to be." He gathered up her hands in his and brought them to his lips where he kissed her knuckles a few times. "We found each other, and we fell for each other without ever knowing the truth."

She nodded and felt an almost crushing amount of joy in her chest, for those were the exact reasons she knew that, no matter how much she might struggle in the beginning to open up and be romantic with him, she knew in the end they would last. "I know."

He kissed her sweetly. "We're going to be amazing Kate. And, you know, I think that might classify as out first fight—and you know what that means." As if she couldn't pick up the implication, Castle added an extra-naughty eyebrow wiggle onto the end of his words, and she laughed.

"What about the stir-fry?"

"Well I'm not quite hungry yet, are you?"

She stared at him pensively for a moment before sighing, "I guess not."

"Excellent!" With that, he scooped her up in his arms and she let out a squeal. Then, she looped her arms around his neck and let him carry her into the bedroom, finally feeling utterly and completely happy.

* * *

 **A/N:** thanks for reading!


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